Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
