Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
