So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
