Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Sober January is a disaster.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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