I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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