I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize