the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize