wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
