Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
