do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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