oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize