I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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