so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
