CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Bring me that man meat
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
