when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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