i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
