Umm I'm too high to move.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
