in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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