Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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