You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
