In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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