Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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