Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
