mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize