I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Semen is not good for contacts.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
