My nipple is on Facebook.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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