i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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