now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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