If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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