the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
