I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
