Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
