His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
