Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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