Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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