It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
