Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
