So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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