im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
