it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
