not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
