Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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