Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize