I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
