I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize