1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
