Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize