i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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