if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Shame - the story of my life.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize