watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
