If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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