when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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