I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
