Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
