If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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