Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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