1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize