so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
