Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
