Your tits are I can't wait for
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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