I wish I only lived at night.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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