Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
