You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
