I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
