You're my little dorito
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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