Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
