Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
