I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
is it fun? or sober?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
