i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
