next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
