I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
