he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
