hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize