I just saw a hot homeless man
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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